Saturday, April 29, 2006

The Boll Weevils are Here.....













(The Boll Weevil, herald of the Spring.)

The fine citizens of Belvidere welcome the coming of Spring with it's warmer weather, blooming flowers, and decrease in turkey-human altercations. But also with Spring comes the tornados, which seem to act more and more deliberately each year, and the lottery of young virgins set up to choose a sacrifice to the Demon of the Plains Tealeoni. But the good folks of Belvidere know how to find the silver lining of any cloud, even one that feasts on the pain and suffering of children. Springtime is also Boll Weevil time.

Many people don't know this but Boll Weevils are a perfect example of God's deliberate plan for this world and blatant evidence of design in nature. To imagine that a creature as complex as the Boll Weevil could have just happened by random chance boggles this Mayor's mind. As Chester Langerstrom, our resident Weevilologist, points out, Boll Weevils have 6 legs. If just one of those legs hadn't "evolved" it would fall over. Explain that evolutionists. And if evolution did bring about the Boll Weevil, how could it possibly have done it in only 6,000 years. I think it's pretty obvious to any rational bible literalist that the only explanation that makes sense is that a powerful being created the Boll Weevil in its present form and set it loose upon mankind as a punishment for homosexuality.

Bible scientists have conclusively proven that evolution doesn't exist because it is not mentioned in the only textbooks that matter, the Bible and the Baptist Bible Companion Study Guide. Now I can't speak for the Catholic Bible which as far as I know is wrong on several accounts. I can't imagine a more powerful sign of God's eternal love for man than when I sit on my porch gazing out upon the acres of cropland being consumed by these ravenous insects. It brings a tear to my eye and inspiration to spread the Word to my heart.

Sincerely,
Spooner Jenkins

1 Comments:

Blogger Budkapest said...

Being that I am a Baptist theologically and have a thing entomology and weevils (even though I have BA (Bad Attitude) in History from the University of No Learning in the Holy City of Lincoln nigh unto Bethany . . . are you aware that Boll Weevils are not in Nebraska? Weevils common to the Huskers that don't Husk Corn state are as follows:
Apple curculio
Apple flea weevil
Arborvitae weevil
Asiatic oak weevil
Billbugs
Black vine weevil
Carrot weevil
Clay-colored weevil
Diaprepes root weevil
Fruit, flower, and seed weevils
Fuller rose beetle
Northern pine weevil
Obscure root weevil
Pales weevil
Palm weevil
Pitcheating weevil
Polydrusus weevil
Rough strawberry root weevil
Strawberry root weevil
Sunflower head clipping weevil
Sunflower stem weevil
Sweetpotato weevil
Twobanded Japanese weevil
Vegetable weevil
Weevil borers
Whitefringed beetle
Willow flea weevil
Woods weevil
Yellow Poplar weevil

As to homosexuality, God most likely will let natural consequences be the judge of that until death or The Great White Throne. You are commanded to Love thy neighbor, preach the gospel and if you would love life; keep your tongue from evil, do right and pursue peace. The Lord is sovereign and judge as well as Savior.

2:29 PM  

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